Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
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