She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
Randomize
