If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
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