i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Randomize
