Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
Randomize
