He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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