the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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