It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
