i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
I'm sobbing to NWA
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
Randomize
