how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Randomize
