theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
