You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
Randomize
