So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
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