then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
Randomize
