So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
Randomize
