I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
Randomize
