Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
Randomize
