i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Randomize
