Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
My vagina just clenched in fear
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Randomize
