she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
Randomize
