My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
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