you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
