I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
Randomize
