I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
Dude manswers just said that a guy can only cum up to eight times in one day. I'm gonna prove that show wrong.
ha well at least you have goals.
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
Randomize
