Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
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