In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
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