So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
Randomize
