I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
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