Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
Randomize
