There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
I supernannyed him into submission
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
Randomize
