Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
Randomize
