Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize
