I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
