Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
Your penis caused this!
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