just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
Small penises have feelings too.
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
Randomize
