I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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