I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
apparently the secret to your success is patron
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
Randomize
