sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
Randomize
