i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
Randomize
