Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
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