I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
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