Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
You took a bar mat shot.
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
Randomize
