im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
Randomize
