i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
Randomize
