watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
