FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize
