Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
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