The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
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