He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
Thank you for not boning my boss.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Randomize
