fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
