need another drink. this is the easiest way
i think i have herpe
just one?
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Randomize
