...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize
