We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
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